Do You Want To See Orphan?

I really, really wanted to see Orphan. Then I read a review that didn't mention it contained spoilers and it totally ruined it for me. Will I still see it? Probably - Omen style evil child horror is always quite a freaky watch...

Friday The 13th - Review

review by Marvel Man

First some back story, I really dig Jason Voorhees. In the pantheon of horror villains he is my definitive favourite. Maybe its the iconic image, the victimised and three dimensional nature, the inventiveness, the longevity. All I know is when it came to naming this site the Friday The 13th movies were what sprang to mind, so when a new one came out I was excited. I never got to the pictures so I watched it for the first time a couple of hours ago on DVD, seeing through a fan boys eyes. Make of that what you will going in and BEWARE YOU ARE IN SPOILER COUNTRY!!!
This movie opens with a cool but ridiculously brief scene which seeks to encapsulate the entire plot of the original Friday The 13th movie but dates it at the year of its release (1980), its disgustingly short at about one minute and a complete insult to fans, seeming like a bizarre attempt to keep the original film in continuity or disregard it entirely. In any case we get the customary sentence explaining Mrs Voorhees' motivations, Jason's history and that of Camp Crystal Lake. Quite simply more time should have been devoted to this, the stalk and slash cliche-by-numbers stuff that comes later seems painfully drawn out but this gets a few sentences in flashback. Bullshit!
We then move onto what seems like the second original movie replayed. Faceless teens talk weed and sex and the now adult burlap-sack wearing Jason kills them off in admittedly gruesome and inventive ways. This bit is also better than the majority of the movie solely for these cool death scenes and the cool way it posits the movies' back story as a sort of urban legend ghost story that turns out to be true despite nobody really believing it (allowing the characters to be clued in without it seeming stupid).
Sadly things go downhill from here. For some reason director Marcus Nispel thinks he's back on Texas Chain Saw territory and so you have sepia or blanket darkness filtering and obscuring everything, random hicks we meet who warn of bad things out there, exposition which serves no purpose outside of establishing stereotypes and a plot that, despite this being a suppposed "re-imagining" could be replayed verbatim from any Friday, hell any slasher. The only concession to this being a new start is when Jason ventures out of his old homestead to arbitraily claim a hockey mask in a scene that may as well have a flashing neon light reading "this is iconography". It makes no sense either as these towns folk say that he apparently only wants to be left alone. Bah.
The notable exception to this point of plot badness is the relatively engaging idea of Sam-or-Dean Winchester (you know the guy) set up as "final guy" and, in an unusual move, protectively seeking out his sister. Though this leads to cliche city as he chides the cops for being inept and tags along with the next group of teen-eotypes, angering the jerk, protecting the hot chick etc. Bizarrely as well he somehow finds his sister alive due to some gubbins about Jason thinking its his mom cos they look alike and she wears her pendant that she found earlier and frankly I can't be bothered to explain or care any further because its a totally ludicrous idea that serves no real, decent, sensible function and is clearly a plot purpose to drive you to the final showdown, tie events to what happened before in a cool way but with the single worst piece of dialogue of the decade ("Say hello to mommy...... in hell" as delivered with the panache of the infamous "mostly" speech in Aliens).
There are good points there if you really go looking (and I had to, I bought the DVD). The kills ARE great, never a missed opportunity and with some good twists, Jason's bait and switch new concept is great if only it hadn't clashed horribly with him being retarded (both within the plot back story and thinking his dead mother was alive and not aged). The film is also fun at times, and the mythology keeps it ticking and somewhat engaging.
The acting. Oh my, to call it wooden would be an insult to vibrant forests everywhere. Sam-or-Dean does ok but belongs on network television, still a step up from the catalogue models filling out the roles though. Jason is woefully, criminally miscast. Bring back Kane Hodder or Ken Kirzinger cos this Derek Mears guy does NOT get the dude at all, how can you act badly behind a mask with no dialogue? Oh he finds a way.
But I'm venting, the story isn't all that terrible, the pace is decent, the cast look great, there are gratuitous tit shots galore, a bunch of new killings... and sadly nothing new. The ending even replays that last shock from the original which is justifiably famous, its alright but none too shocking and great if its respectful but you can't help but feel it's as much about setting up an inevitable sequel. The DVD package is quite weak too, no explanatory commentary, a barely extended cut and some truly poor attempts at featurettes. As a whole one for die-hard fans to try and enjoy only. Sadly that includes this guy.

** (2/5)

The Amityville Horror - Some Commentary

I'm talking about the original here, not the remake.

Marvel Man's mother kindly lent me the DVD (as well as making a very nice curry) and I couldn't resist watching it that very night.

I've always held the original film very dear to my heart. It was one of the first 'haunted house' movies I saw and it left me genuinely scared. I'm quite happy to comment that it has lost none of the charm and remains a better watch than the remake (Ryan Reynolds or not).

The storyline with the priest is scary, the unseen, unknown Jodie is scary, the blood down the walls and the sheer oddness, the more subtle touches, the flies, the cross turning upside down... All these make for some great elements.

I'm quite happy to say that I watched the original truly gripped. This brings me to a point I've mentioned before. Unless you are sure that what you can achieve is going to be better than the original (without resorting to cheap effects), then don't bother. I think it actually comes down to something that Marvel Man mentioned. If you've got a great story, you don't need to have whacked out visuals. Simple, subtle visuals can work just as well and The Amityville Horror is a case in point. A seminal, superb haunted house horror.



***** 5/5

Video World Memories - Commentary

Hey guys, Marvel Man back after a week of getting internet repaired with a very traditional blogging post this time. Basically the inspiration for this came on my daily commute to work, the bus regularly going past a street of shops which used to include an old fashioned, quite charming video store called Video World. It saddened me to see that this particular store has been completely shut down and replaced with a bizarre, gaudy unisex salon. I don't want to get on my soap box about changing times or my protestation against this decision (and how sad it was to watch the place gradually fade away as it lost space and got edged out by new businesses) but I do have a lot of memories of the store, fittingly horror related so thought I would lament the place's loss by sharing them.
My very earliest recollections are of the nifty V.W boxes which were generic and pasted with movie stars, I would see them and know that they usually contained horror brought home by my parents or my sister to watch in other rooms, usually while I was sleeping (bar the one time my folks rented Ghostbusters 2 for me). Even when I didn't like horror somehow the icons of the genre on the boxes stood out, they almost became a horror signifier for me. Likewise my earliest fears and nightmares were when a Freddy cut-out was placed in the store's window to advertise the 3-d Nightmare (can't remember which, 6 I think, I believe entitled "Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare", ironically). This quite badly traumatised me, then about 9 years old, and put me off horror for a while sadly, I was clearly still too young.
It was some years later when I truly got into horror, kick started by finally watching the movie Scream on a video tape which I think may have been borrowed to my older sister by someone (weirdly I have no memory of who it belonged to or how I came into possession of it, just watching it and the sequel in our old flat). Spurred on by this good experience, having really enjoyed the film, I decided I would like to give slashers a go (I haven't looked back since lol).
Thus one night me and my best friend at the time, known simply as Browny, were deciding on something to do on a Saturday night. Being somewhat geeky guys the concepts of meeting girls, groups of people, going on dates or hanging around the streets were ruled out, and for some reason we didn't have enough money to hit our usual pubs. We were just turned 18 and bored and so I hit on the idea of checking out Video World for myself, now I was an adult I could enter those imposing racks of films and grab my own horror...
I had 10 pound in my pocket and the place offered two films for £5 so spurred on by boredom and nerves and limited by what I could see I chose to rent the movies Cherry Falls (as it seemed to have a Scream vibe) and Jason X (as a sci-fi geek discovering he loved slashers). The former is not as bad as you might think, enjoyable enough, surprisingly watchable and pleasant when viewed nostalgically but let down by some generic cliche, bad acting and a truly mental ending, which we found hilarious at the time (*** 3/5).
Which brings me neatly to Jason X. I'm aware of the films reputation, and couldn't claim to have discovered a classic piece of cine-art but high on popcorn, beer, cola and a fun night of horror cheese finding that flick was like discovering a hidden stash of sherbet flavoured m and m's. I still love it, despite knowing how awful it is, I admire the kitschness, the s.f gags, the lack of taking itself seriously and the tongue in cheek nature of such classic moments of a dispatch with twisting piece of metallic engine being greeted with the response "he got screwed!". The film is my personal guilty pleasure and for me **** 4/5, for everyone with taste probably * or ** (1 or 2/5). I received the movie from an old flat mate as a birthday gift a few years back and still own it, and watch it whenever I'm feeling down or slightly kooky.
So there we have it, not the first horrors I discovered but the first horror movie night I had, and my first big experience of stepping into this huge world, and I had Video World to thank for it. I have gone elsehwere since but never forgot their influence. I even went back the following week hoping to repeat my great night in and rented the movie Queen of the Damned. Perhaps that's when, for me, the place truly died.

REC 2 - Trailer 3

I'm telling you right now, you need to see this film when it comes out. Oh jeez. I'm stoked (for the first time in a while).

Mirrors - Some Comments

It's not every day when I watch horror - but I do try to make it most days :)

Joking aside, I'd wanted to see Mirrors for a while, but never managed to get around to seeing it at the cinema. I did catch it last night however and it appears to have some very good ideas with some bizzare execution (as well as an ending that I've seen in an Asian film some time ago (is this a direct remake?).

The basic idea is that Kiefer Sutherland is a cop waiting for re-instatement following some kind of incident (it hints at the idea that he shot his partner). He's got a tenuous hold on his family and it seems also his sanity, due to some strong anti-alcohol drugs he's taking. So, lots going on so far. It all jumps into the horror genre though when Sutherland's lead starts his new job as a security guard for a sprawling burned out old building. Suddenly, there are things in the mirror that he's seeing that really shouldn't be there. Ultimately, this brings a great evil and peril for the thing he cares for most - his family.

SPOILERLAND - LOOK NO FURTHER IF YOU'VE NOT SEEN THE FILM
For me, the most effective part of the film was when the character of Anna Esseker was introduced. The idea of her being possessed was actually quite a well thought out one, but it did bother me. Why would the demon wish to possess Anna again when it was clearly hugely powerful within the mirror?

Couldn't it go from mirror to mirror, or only to the mirrors in which a person had been exposed? Lots of questions left this section open ended, but the possession trope was a welcome addition to the film (I'm a huge fan of the possession horror sub genre).

Another thing that really bothered me was just how quickly his wife started to believe the whole thing. Complete change of attitude in a few minutes, and not because of compelling evidence either.

On the whole, Mirrors was a lot of fun, it just never quite lived up to the promise and actually seemed to be a bit of a strange mish-mash of various ideas. Perhaps it would have been more of a yarn had it focussed on one specific aspect of the story.

Stand out moment: The bath scene with Angela Carson.
Worst moment: The ending - not at all a surprise.

The Box Trailer

You've got to go watch the trailer over at Bloody Disgusting for 'The Box'. Disturbing, a man with half a face, high strangeness and more seems to be shown, alongside a foxy Cameron Diaz.

Check it out here.